Below you will find the first two chapters of Selling With Charisma. Among other things, they explain why charisma is used "unwittingly" by the world's best salespeople.
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CONTENTS
PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING CHARISMA 1
1 Game-Changing Charisma 3
2 The Power of Nonverbal Behavior 15
3 The Psychology of Charisma 22
4 The Sales Laboratory 34
5 The Dimensions of Charisma 41
PART TWO: CHARISMA IN ONE WEEK 49
6 See It, Be It 51
7 Rerecording the Tape Playing in Your Head 61
8 Change the Attitudes, Change the Person 71
9 The Golden Key 80
10 The Laser-Focus of Charisma 87
11 The Power of Being Present 98
12 The Charisma Exercise Schedule 106
PART THREE: VERBAL CHARISMA 111
13 The Power of Words 113
14 The Power of Differentiation 120
15 The Power of Stories 131
16 Power Questions 140
17. The Power of Your Voice 152
18. Redefining Your Role 162
PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING CHARISMA 1
1 Game-Changing Charisma 3
2 The Power of Nonverbal Behavior 15
3 The Psychology of Charisma 22
4 The Sales Laboratory 34
5 The Dimensions of Charisma 41
PART TWO: CHARISMA IN ONE WEEK 49
6 See It, Be It 51
7 Rerecording the Tape Playing in Your Head 61
8 Change the Attitudes, Change the Person 71
9 The Golden Key 80
10 The Laser-Focus of Charisma 87
11 The Power of Being Present 98
12 The Charisma Exercise Schedule 106
PART THREE: VERBAL CHARISMA 111
13 The Power of Words 113
14 The Power of Differentiation 120
15 The Power of Stories 131
16 Power Questions 140
17. The Power of Your Voice 152
18. Redefining Your Role 162
Copyright 2017 by Tom Payne
CHAPTER ONE: GAME-CHANGING CHARISMA
CHARISMA IN ONE WEEK
Charisma is the difference-making edge possessed by the world’s best salespeople, and it can be yours in one week. It will change the way the world perceives you, and when you change how you are perceived you enter a new reality.
I’ve had clients who were almost invisible to the world around them. Being overlooked was their “reality” until charisma ushered them into a new reality, one where they were magnetic and sought after. Their experience underscores this important fact: How we are perceived affects our ability to influence others and sell in this competitive world, and charisma transforms the way the world sees you in a powerfully favorable way.
Those who express the full power of charisma are rare. Most organizations have only a few top producers, and they stand out in many ways. They have an “it-factor.” It is difficult to put into words what that “factor” is, but everyone can see and feel how they have “it,” and others don’t. However, charisma should not be rare, for it is readily available to all; and if you are in sales you will want to acquire charisma because it will enable you to close sales like the following.
TAKING ON THE SALES-HELL CHALLENGE
I was sitting in my office in our corporate headquarters when the phone rang. It was a call from the COO of a large regional hospital located in the South. He asked to speak to someone in sales, and since all of my sales managers and distributor reps were located in the field, the call came to me.
The COO said, “I need someone from the corporate office to present your nurse call system to my nurses.”
I replied, “My Region Manager is the person I need to send your way.”
“No sir, no he isn’t,” the COO replied, “He’s been banned from the hospital for life.”
“For life?”
“Yes sir. Our nurses hate the guy. Suffice it to say, your company is not too popular with our nursing staff either.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. And I apologize for my Region Manager making such a poor impression.”
“Thank you,” he replied, “I appreciate the apology. So, can you come on down and make a sales presentation to my nurses?”
“Yes. Of course I can. I’d be happy to.”
“Fine. That’s good. But I need to prepare you for what you are about to face. Our nurses not only hate your Region Manager, and your company because of him, they also love your competitor. So, this is going to be a tough sell.”
Now I was confused. I asked, “Okay, if the nurses hate us, and they love our competitor, then why am I being asked to present to them? Why aren’t you buying their system?”
With his folksy, Southern charm he said, “Friend, that’s a fair question. You are on our national contract and your competitor is not. Now we can easily buy off-contract whenever we want. However, your contract price is much better than your competitor’s list price. And since he’s holding aces, he’s not feeling the need to offer even a little discount.
“Let me ask you something,” he continued, “do you like paying list price?”
“No.”
“I’m the same way. So, I thought, ‘What the heck. What’s the harm in giving your company a shot?’ ”
“Okay,” I continued, still trying to connect all of the dots, “I can understand why you want me to present to them. If I close the sale I’ve saved you and your hospital a tidy sum. But I can’t understand why these nurses are willing to sit and listen to my presentation. Based on what you’ve told me, they hate us and love our competitor.”
He said, “You’ve got that right. They don’t want to see you or listen to a thing you say. But I’m the COO, and I’m making them sit and listen to you.”
After a pause he added, “Yes sir, like I said, this is going to be a tough sell.”
I thought, “And you have a gift for understatement.”
THE AMBUSH
They needed to make a quick decision. They would soon be breaking ground on a large, new emergency room expansion, so the COO rounded up the nurses for a presentation that same week. I scheduled a flight and was there a few days after his phone call.
As I was standing in one of their hospital’s training rooms with my PowerPoint presentation projected on the screen, the scowling nurses trudged in. Without saying a word they loudly proclaimed, “We’d rather be anywhere than here.”
The COO introduced me to the group and asked me to start my presentation. As soon as I opened my mouth, the bugle sounded and the attack was launched. The decision maker jumped up from her seat, got in my face, and launched into a tirade against my Region Manager, my company, and me for having such a derelict Region Manager. She went beyond questioning my integrity; she questioned my competence and sanity. But I listened quietly and respectfully, focusing 100% of my attention on her, nodding my head as I took notes, and waited for her to finish.
Inwardly I smiled as I noted the micro-expressions from her eyes expressing bewilderment. Micro-expressions are those telltale signs that only last an instant and reveal so much. She was puzzled because her ambush was not having its desired effect. I was too calm and confident, and she clearly wanted to rattle me.
As I stood there my facial expression was sober, thoughtful and unafraid. My body language projected how relaxed I was. My tone of voice was respectful, warm and yet authoritative.
At first, the audience thirsted for my blood, but as they saw me calmly stand and receive this merciless tongue-lashing their mood began to change. In sales you learn how to read a room, and this audience was spellbound by this spectacle. They did not know what to make of it.
When she finally ran out of breath and venom I looked directly into the eyes of the assembled nurses throughout the room and said, “All of these points are very important, and I will address each one of them during the course of my presentation. Now let’s get started.”
I was in control of the situation because of the charisma exercises I practiced prior to this call, ones that I will teach you. I had taken her best shot and had not flinched. Things were not going according to the decision maker’s plan; they were following mine.
A REVOLUTIONARY APPROACH
When charisma is added to selling it enables you to make revolutionary changes to your sales approach. You can do what some consider unthinkable and, in this situation, impossible. Midway through the presentation I began talking about their beloved competitor’s product and how it was inferior to mine.
Talking about the competitor! This was something I was always taught not to do during my entire sales career. It may be a near-universal sales taboo in America and overseas. When I trained a European salesforce how to use my differentiation techniques one salesperson stood up before the entire class and said, “This might work in America, but it won’t work here.”
My ideas were too much of a cultural departure for them, and it would take more than one pass to persuade them. But by the end of the course, one of the more charismatic salespeople in attendance decided he would see if differentiation worked.
He later told me, “I was told I had thirty minutes to present to a group of doctors, and that is a lot of time, because they are very busy. But once I started differentiating they became engaged and the presentation lasted two hours.” Busy doctors guard their time and receiving two hours from them is not the norm.
His success led other salespeople from Europe to adopt it as well. And guess what? Differentiation worked for them also. But how could it possibly work in this Southern shark tank where I was the chum? After all, even when the customer respects you and your company, you are not supposed to talk about your competitors. Since they disliked me, wouldn’t they interrupt me and tell me to stop “bashing” the competition?
Charisma can captivate and enchant. It is almost hypnotic in its power. Consequently, when I was differentiating there were no interruptions from this openly hostile audience, except for the occasional emotional outburst that showed I was turning the tide.
One bearded, burly nurse, who started the presentation glowering at me, blurted out, “The competition’s system doesn’t have that? Why are we even considering them?”
Later on I heard another say, “We’ve got to have this system.”
These expressions were like emotional eruptions from their subconscious mind. They were automatic, reflex actions that were hot and primal, not cool and rational.
At the end of the hour virtually every person in the room was on my side. Less than a week later we had the purchase order for a system that cost around $250,000 installed. The competitor who was holding aces lost all of his chips.
Before going further let me state that I may not be one of the world’s best salespeople, but I have sold with charisma, I’ve witnessed others sell with it, and I’ve trained others to sell with it. This perspective enables me to say with confidence, “Charisma is a game-changer. The same words I’ve used to close sales have utterly failed others who sold without charisma.”
IMPLICATIONS
When you think about this situation, and my success within it, it challenges a lot of the conventional wisdom surrounding sales. Let’s consider some of the generally accepted sales approaches that I was unable to use even if I wanted to.
Consultative sales: I could not ask these nurses questions, because they would not receive my calls, much less return them. Thus, I could not consult with them to develop a customized proposal. I was flying blind. So, this wiped out “consultative selling” as being the reason why I got their business.
Relationship selling: Well, let’s just say my relationship with this group of nurses was strong, but not in a favorable way. So, having a positive relationship, or developing one, was not the basis of my success.
Integrity selling: Ha! I was distrusted. They questioned my integrity because I had such a disreputable Region Manager. This eliminates the possibility of “integrity selling.” However, I must emphasize that I was scrupulously honest with them. My sales system depends on such honesty.
Solution selling: If I used “solution selling” in its typical form, then I would have failed. Typically you don’t talk about the competitor in this approach. Had I merely presented my solution, they would have bought the competitive product. This is because they believed the competitive system could do the same things our product could. I had to speak about the competition to convince them that they were mistaken.
Finally, I never tried to “close the sale,” or ask for the order, and I didn’t need to. Their buying decision was made before I left the room, only they didn’t know it yet. It would take time before their buying decision—which was subconsciously made—entered their conscious minds. (You’ll see how that works in Chapter 3, “The Psychology of Charisma.”)
If charisma is so powerful, and so easily acquired, then why doesn’t everyone obtain it? The following story answers that question.
THE UNKNOWN ACQUISITION OF CHARISMA
Meet Bob. Bob began developing his charismatic personality at an early age. As a child he observed the way others responded to his smile, his focused attention, and so on. Then, over the course of his life, he adopted these perception-shaping, nonverbal behaviors and developed a charismatic “presence.” It made him magnetic and attractive to friends and strangers alike. That most powerful form of communication—nonverbal behavior—was the main source of his charisma, just as it is with everyone else.
This “charismatic face” that Bob showed to the world became an automatic, subconscious expression. It required no conscious thought because it was a part of his nature.
Like the rest of us, Bob rarely thought of his nonverbal behavior or the impact it had on others. He knew he was confident, but was unaware that his confidence was communicated to others. Nor did he realize how the way he spoke with absolute certainty made everyone believe every word he was saying.
Another powerful nonverbal expression was his smile. He knew he had a nice smile, because people occasionally commented on it, but he never knew just how disarming it was to family, friends, and ultimately to customers.
After graduating from college, Bob entered the sales profession and during major sales presentations his charisma was on full display. He radiated a confidence that his customers felt. He projected a sense of authority and was utterly believable. His warmth put them at ease, and they were drawn to his sunny, always positive disposition. Even those customers who distrusted salespeople found themselves captivated by Bob.
As a result, his sales numbers far exceeded everyone else’s in the company. Then, when a sales management position opened up, Bob was immediately promoted and an all-too-common scenario played out.
His new boss told him, “Bob, go clone yourself.” And Bob tried to do this, but failed. It was an impossible task, because Bob did not know what it was that made him such a great salesperson.
UNWITTINGLY CHARISMATIC
While selling, Bob could not leave his body and look at himself to see his nonverbal behaviors in action. And even if he could see himself selling, perhaps on a videotape, he could not see the impact his nonverbals were having inside his customer’s hearts and minds.[1]
Let’s say Bob was self-aware enough to realize how charisma fueled his sales success, and he was knowledgeable enough to know that his nonverbals generated charisma. Even if he possessed this degree of understanding, how could he teach others to be charismatic?
After all, nonverbal behavior is, for the most part, a subconscious expression of how we feel. When we feel happy or sad we automatically look happy or sad. We don’t have to think about it.
So how do you teach someone to control something that is subconscious? And how do you get someone to adopt these subconscious behaviors that you acquired over the course of your entire life?
Bob failed as a sales manager. The powerful sales approach that he used as a salesperson, the one based on his personal charisma, was used unwittingly. It’s one of the main reasons why virtually every top salesperson, who is promoted into sales management, never raises the performance of any of their salespeople to their own level. They can’t, because even if they knew what it was that made them so exceptional, they wouldn’t know how to coach others in how to develop subconscious, nonverbal charisma.
Don’t worry. It sounds daunting, but it is not. If my clients could acquire charisma in one week, then it cannot be that difficult. Please don't get my assessment of my clients wrong. They were and are great people, but they were going through one of the most difficult times of their life. They had no charisma, and seemingly little hope of acquiring it, but they did in one week.
The power of nonverbal behavior will be made clear in the next chapter, but for now I will simply assert the first of several charisma axioms:
Charisma Axiom # 1: Nonverbal behavior is the primary cause of charisma.
STRATEGY
When I joined Rauland-Borg, the company I worked for in the sales-hell challenge, I was charged with leading a group of Region Managers who covered the U.S. market and were supporting the efforts of our distributor sales force. My strategy was, and is, based on three words: Simplify, focus and achieve.
Simplify: My first task was to learn about all of the opportunities my sales organization faced, and then simplify this mass of data into a solution that focused on the single most important driver of sales growth.
Focus: By focusing all of my energy on one thing, the most important thing, I had far better odds of succeeding than if I had tried to focus on three or four things.
Achieve: Once I found this driver of growth I focused virtually all of my attention and energy on it until we achieved dramatic sales growth.
FINDING THE MOST IMPORTANT DRIVER OF GROWTH
To discover this driver of growth I asked virtually everyone, “What is it?” and got a variety of answers. As it turned out, no one knew. But after two months of research I discovered it: Sales training.
Here is why it was more important than anything else. We were selling through distributor sales representatives of varying quality. Where we had good distributor sales reps we did well. Where we had bad distributor sales reps we did poorly. The quality of my Region Managers was not the primary issue. My best Region Managers were not very successful when a bad distributor sales rep was involved in the sale.
Part of our problem was this: Our distributor reps, many from small markets with small talent pools, were competing against polished, direct sales reps from multi-billion dollar competitors who were known throughout the world: GE, Tyco, and Hill-Rom.
This name recognition was a huge advantage for them, because Rauland was virtually unknown.
Imagine this: Early in my tenure with Rauland I once presented to a large Chicago-based hospital system. It was opening a new children’s hospital that was located within thirty miles of our corporate headquarters. As I was presenting the key decision maker asked, “If you are about the same size as Hill-Rom and GE in the nurse call market, then why have we never heard of you?”
Even in our hometown we were unknown.
Another significant obstacle our distributor reps faced was this: The majority had never received a day of sales training before. To help our distributor reps compete I developed a weeklong sales training course focusing on the verbal elements of charisma: Differentiation, stories, asking effective questions, etc. Verbal charisma is very powerful and the results far exceeded my expectations. By the time I left Rauland we were market dominant, possessing more than 50% of the nurse call market.
EFFECTIVE BUT LACKING IN NONVERBAL CHARISMA
As powerful as verbal charisma is, nonverbal charisma is even more powerful, and my program did not include training in how to become nonverbally charismatic. This sometimes made techniques, like differentiation, work against my sales trainees. For example, one of my trainees tried to differentiate in a far less difficult situation than the sales-hell challenge, and it blew up in her face. A nurse accused her of bashing the competition and told her she needed to stop doing this right now.
A few days after she scolded my trainee, I then presented to this same nurse and talked about the competition repeatedly without any objections. Nonverbal charisma—the missing ingredient—made what I said satisfying, and its absence made what the trainee said unpleasant. The words were virtually identical (I’d taught her what to say!), but the end results were as different as a purchase order and a rejection notice. Not only did the scolding nurse listen peacefully to my differentiation message, her hospital gave us a PO. (We will revisit this sales situation in greater detail.)
I failed to include nonverbal charisma in my sales training program because, like Bob in the above story, I was “unwittingly” charismatic. The next chapter will explain why charisma is so hidden from our sight.
Now, before closing this chapter, I will share the organizing principle of my original sales training course. It is still the organizing principle and it helps explain the selling power of charisma.
FOR EVERY CAUSE THERE IS AN EFFECT,
FOR EVERY EFFECT THERE IS A CAUSE
As I developed my sales training course I was forced to think deeply about fundamental questions that I’d never considered. Perhaps the most crucial question was, “What causes a customer’s buying decision?”
Until we know what causes the buying-decision-effect how can we intentionally cause it? This makes our sales success accidental instead of intentional. We are like people throwing everything against a wall in the hope that something sticks. So, we end up trying an assortment of ideas, and are confused when these techniques work sometimes and other times fail.
To answer the question, “What causes the buying decision?” my thought process went down this path:
Buying decisions are made in the mind. Therefore, what are the primary psychological influences on our decision-making process?
I came up with two very large influences: Reason and emotion, or rationality and feelings. I then wondered whether the buying decision was more head or more heart. Which influence predominated?
After much study I concluded that emotions cause the buying decision, not reason. Some of my research from back then now follows.
Economists developed the Consumer Sentiment Index to predict buying behavior. It measures the consumer’s feelings about the economy and about their own situation. Are they optimistic (likely buyers) or pessimistic (probably not in a spending mood)? These emotions are predictive of buying behavior, and note how there is no Consumer Rationality Index.
The history of sales produced revealing statements like, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.” This notion took root during the days of IBM’s mainframe dominance. Mainframes were expensive investments for companies to make forty to sixty years ago, and people bought the costlier IBM mainframe because they knew it would work. If you spent tons of money to buy a mainframe that failed, then you would have committed a much-dreaded CLM (career-limiting move). IT Directors feared this outcome and this led to the saying, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.”
Think about it. The typically rational people in IT departments were making a buying decision based, in part, on the emotion of fear.
MONEY IS EMOTION QUANTIFIED
Finally, the emotional power of money affects every buying decision and the following illustrates how money’s emotional power increases as the dollar amount rises.
If you loan a good friend a dollar and they don’t pay it back, big deal. It is not enough money to get worked up over. But if you loan a good friend $500, and they fail to pay it back, then it can end the relationship.
"More than half of consumers have seen a friendship end over money owed.
...Nearly three-quarters say their financial breaking point is $500 or less."[2]
As the dollar amount increased so did the intensity of the emotional response to being stiffed. This is because money is emotion quantified. Or, another way of putting it: The more money, the more emotion.
The emotional nature of money has the following impact on sales. The more money involved in securing your product or service, the greater the influence emotion has over the buying decision. Again, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.” It was a high-dollar buying decision and it was emotionally caused.
One of my favorite demonstrations of the emotional nature of high-dollar purchasing decisions was a video I would show sales teams that was designed to sell the Bugatti Veyron, a >$2,000,000 sports car. It showed the Veyron speeding across a remote stretch of highway to the tune of a pulsing sound track, and it failed to use one word. Words and statistics might convey a logical argument, but what logical argument supports spending that amount of money on a car? So, the pitch was purely emotional: The more money, the more emotion.
This money-emotion connection holds true when you look at the world of low-priced commodities. Emotion plays a much smaller role in these buying decisions. The objective logic of price rules the day. Which product is cheaper and of acceptable quality?
Yet, even here emotion influences the buying decision to a degree. A charismatic salesperson will have more success selling commodity products than one who lacks this attractive, emotion-generating power. People still prefer to buy from people they like, or are drawn toward.
EMPLOYING THE EMOTIONAL CAUSES
Until we tailor our sales approach to apply the emotional causes of the buying-decision-effect, we will fail to close sales consistently. That is what I taught salespeople to do in my training program, and it worked.
However, my solution was incomplete. It failed to give them nonverbal charisma, the emotional language of the subconscious mind that changes the way a person is perceived and impacts the power of the message they are delivering.
That may not sound important at first, but imagine if you had the power to generate feelings toward you like trust, likability, and confidence. It would make your customer want to do business with you, believe what you are saying, and this would affect how they perceive your product offering.
In my sales-hell scenario, my charisma imbued me with so much authority that no one challenged me, or anything I said, while I was calmly, surgically dissecting their beloved competitor’s product.
The bottom line: Charisma tilts the playing field in your favor.
The more we understand about charisma, the more we will want to wield its influence. In the next chapter we will look at the power plant of charisma—nonverbal behaviors—and continue to explore why this ability to charm and enchant is so powerful in sales.
CHAPTER TWO: THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
“ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE, AND ALL
THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS”[3]
Nonverbal behavior is our most powerful form of communication and when we sell we are communicating. Therefore, we are not selling as powerfully as we should until we master nonverbal communication.
To illustrate the power of nonverbals, let’s look at a profession that requires nonverbal mastery: Acting. When an actor plays in a sad scene, he must express this sadness nonverbally. If he cannot express his role’s emotions nonverbally, then he will soon be out of work.
Actors are masters of this most powerful form of communication, and this explains why so many people are drawn to them. They have that mysterious “it” factor. Their nonverbal mastery makes them so charismatic that people become star-struck in their presence. It doesn’t matter that they are, in some instances, not all that good looking, stupid, narcissistic, unethical and as boring as an oatmeal diet; people will still follow them. They are living proof that charisma can make the most unpromising people magnetic and enchanting.
This connection between nonverbal behavior and charisma—which will be strengthened in the following pages—produces our next axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 2: Charisma is acquired by those who master their nonverbal voice.
Imagine having the charismatic impact of a movie star on your customers. Start mastering your nonverbal voice and you are on your way.
THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
One of the purposes of nonverbal behaviors is this: They reinforce and strengthen what our words are trying to communicate. We see this in the following encounter.
Imagine a life coach holding his client’s gaze, and saying with an authoritative tone that rings with conviction: “I believe in you! You can do this! You’ve done it before!”
The client would likely respond, “He’s right. I have done it before. I can do it!”
This life coach’s words and his nonverbal behaviors communicate the same message of encouragement. He is speaking with an authentic, influential voice, and it has the power to give confidence to a person struggling with self-doubt.
However, when our words say one thing and our nonverbals say another, we are speaking with an inauthentic voice. This can make our words communicate the opposite of what we intend.
For example, consider a different life coach who says with a flat, lifeless tone, a blank facial expression and no eye contact, “I believe in you. You can do this. You’ve done it before.”
His client would probably think, “I don’t believe a word he is saying, because he doesn’t seem to believe it. Wow! Nobody believes in me. Not even my life coach. I’m an even bigger loser than I thought.”
One coach inspired and encouraged his client, while the other coach increased his client’s self-doubt. Both coaches used the exact same words, but they had the opposite effect. The difference maker in their ability to persuade, influence, and sell—if you will—was their nonverbal charisma.
We have just dipped our toe in the waters of nonverbal behavior and already we are seeing how they can influence others. They give us the power to charm, enchant and persuade, and this leads to our third axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 3: Charismatic people have an authentic voice. Their words and nonverbal behaviors say the same thing.
Imagine the impact of an authentic or an inauthentic voice during a sales presentation. If your voice doesn’t ring with conviction, and your face doesn’t radiate confidence, but your competitor’s nonverbal behaviors do, then who will the customer believe and buy from? They likely will buy from the person they trust, like and believe in, and that person is the one who presented a solution to them with an authentic, charismatic voice.
WORDS OR NONVERBALS: WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?
When our nonverbals and our words communicate different messages, which message is believed? According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, our words account for 7% of personal communication, while our tone of voice accounts for 38%, and our body language (which includes facial expression) accounts for 55%.
These percentages were applied to communications involving emotion and attitude, and “selling” is a type of communication that certainly involves emotion. That is because it involves money—emotion quantified—so these stats, if accurate, would apply. Again, if these stats are real, then nonverbals account for 93% of the message being heard. So, when our words say one thing and our nonverbals say another, customers tend to believe the nonverbal message.
Even if Dr. Merhabian got the percentages wrong, the gist of his message is backed up by our own experience. Have you ever been in the presence of a depressed person? A person who feels depressed will look depressed. And if he tells you, “I feel okay,” do you believe him? No. His words are discounted. You believe what his nonverbals are communicating and surmise, “Obviously he is trying to mask feelings he doesn’t want to discuss.” And this leads to our fourth axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 4: When our words say one thing, but our nonverbal behaviors say another, people tend to believe our nonverbal voice.
To acquire charisma we must gain control of our nonverbal voice because, as the above percentages show, it is our most powerful way of communicating to our customers.
A WORKING DEFINITION
Accurately defining nonverbal behavior was a critical step in my development of a system to control it. My working definition was:
Nonverbal behaviors are, for the most part, automatic, subconscious expressions of our physical, emotional and mental state (PEM state).
Let’s briefly analyze this definition to see if it holds up to scrutiny.
Is nonverbal behavior a subconscious expression of our physical state?
Yes. If you are bone-tired, then your listless body language and weary tone of voice will automatically communicate your exhaustion. You will not have to think, “Since I’m running on fumes I need to express my exhaustion nonverbally.” No conscious thought is required. We automatically express our physical state—exhaustion, vitality, etc.—nonverbally.
Nonverbal behavior is also a subconscious expression of our emotional state as is evidenced by the example of the depressed person, and the same holds true for the happy person. If someone feels happy it shows.
Finally, nonverbal behavior automatically expresses our mental state: If your mental state is characterized by confusion and an inability to focus, then you will look confused and scatterbrained. No one wants to look this way. So, when a confused person tries to hide their confusion by saying, “Of course I understand,” they are often asked, “Are you sure you got that? Do you want me to go over it again?” Their confusion is written all over their face, and this expression required no conscious thought on their part. It occurred subconsciously and automatically.
CONSCIOUS CONTROL OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
In my working definition I wrote, “Nonverbal behaviors are, for the most part, automatic, subconscious expressions….” I added the phrase, “for the most part,” because it is possible to control nonverbal behavior consciously, and even change it over time.
The U.S. Army proves this every year. A soldier slouches at boot camp and a drill instructor yells in his face, “Stand up straight!” The slouching soldier springs to a position of attention. It is a conscious response. And if reinforced often enough, this erect posture enters the soldier’s subconscious mind in the form of a new habit.
This ability to reprogram the subconscious mind and produce a desired type of nonverbal behavior is important. Part Two of this book will show you how to reprogram it faster than what takes place at a boot camp, and without a barking drill sergeant.
THE LIMITATIONS OF CONSCIOUS CONTROL
We can consciously control nonverbal behavior, but most people cannot do so over extended periods of time. This is due to the conscious mind’s limited bandwidth.
To illustrate this difficulty, let’s say you are giving a sales presentation and someone interrupts you to ask a question. You now have to listen to what he is asking, decode his message, determine if there is a meta-communication—e.g., does his question reveal a hidden agenda—formulate a clear, well-worded reply, deliver the response, and make sure your tone of voice is confident, that you are standing tall yet looking relaxed, and your facial expression is warm and approachable, yet authoritative. That is more cognitive load than the conscious mind can bear. Then, absent conscious control, our nonverbal behaviors revert to being automatic, subconscious expressions of our PEM state.
Perhaps the most useful thing my definition of nonverbal behavior accomplished was to help me see how to control them. Since they are a subconscious expression of our PEM state, then one of the most effective ways to control them is through controlling our PEM state. Again, Part Two will cover this subject.
BEHIND THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
What is it that makes nonverbal behavior powerful enough to produce charisma and influence buying decisions?
Part of its power comes from our mirror neuron system (MNS). The MNS is a fairly recent discovery dating from the 1980s and 1990s. It is:
"The “I feel what you feel” emotional empathy system.
Gets in sync with others’ emotions by reading facial expressions and interpreting tone of voice and other nonverbal emotional cues."[4]
Think about that for a moment: Our brains are wired to feel what others feel, and this feeling is based on their nonverbal communication. This means we have the ability to communicate our emotional state to another person during face-to-face talk. If we feel great, then our nonverbal behaviors will express this, and those with whom we interact will feel great too, because they feel what we feel.
You have probably felt the joy of a person who has just heard great news. Their joy makes you smile. He communicated his ecstasy and delight to your emotional empathy system through his nonverbal expressions, and it all took place automatically and subconsciously. You did not consciously think, “This person is overjoyed. I need to feel over-the moon to express solidarity with him.”
Whatever the emotion, we subconsciously interpret, and automatically respond, to someone’s nonverbal behaviors. Our brains are wired to do this, and the charismatic potential of this is obvious. For if you optimize your PEM state, and become a fountain of positive energy, then you will be magnetic. People are attracted to the glow of another’s positive emotions, and want to be around those people who express them.
You might be thinking, “That sounds exhausting! How could I maintain that act?” Rest assured that the charisma produced by these exercises is effortless, automatic and, when engaging in face-to-face talk, it requires no acting or conscious exertion. If it did, then it would not work.
THE MYSTERY OF CHARISMA
This explains why charisma is clothed in mystery: A charismatic person speaks and communicates his charisma through subconsciously generated nonverbal behaviors. Meanwhile, the listening person’s subconscious mind responds to these nonverbals by automatically feeling the feeling they communicate.
What we have here is the subconscious mind of one person communicating to the subconscious mind of another. No wonder charisma is mysterious!
This also explains the “unwitting” use of charisma by the world’s top salespeople. It is difficult to become aware of, much less understand, something that operates subconsciously for both the salesperson and the customer. Not to mention the fact that most charismatic salespeople developed these subconscious expressions of confidence and warmth, authority and kindness, over the course of their lives. They are almost certainly aware of the impact they personally have on other people, but are probably unaware that this power to influence others is largely due to their nonverbal behavior.
SALES IMPLICATIONS
My original sales training course focused on the emotional aspects of verbal behavior, the words we speak during a presentation, and it was able to drive amazing sales results.
In retrospect, this is somewhat surprising, because the buying decision is emotionally made and the spoken word is the preferred communication vehicle of the rational, conscious mind. This connection of words and rationality is captured by the Greek word “logos.” It is a word that is typically translated as either “word” or “reason.” “Logos” is the root word of logic. And as we will see in the next chapter, the more emotional, subconscious mind does not communicate to us through the medium of words. It is why the commercial for the Bugatti Veyron was wordless. The last thing the makers of this car wanted was to engage the consumer’s rational mind.
Also in the next chapter, we will see how the consciously made buying decision is emotionally driven by the subconscious mind. If this is true, then we need to learn the subconscious, emotional language of nonverbal behavior, because it is even more powerful than the words we say.
This is what Dr. Mehrabian’s research strongly suggested. It poses the question: Do we want to speak with 7% of our voice, or 100% of it?
The assertion that a conscious buying decision is caused by a subconscious process might sound ridiculous. But hopefully it will make sense after we explore the psychology of charisma and decision-making in the next chapter.
[1] Since the word “nonverbals” does not exist, according to the dictionaries I’ve checked, allow me to define it and tell you why I use it. “Nonverbals” is simply shorthand for the cumbersome phrase “nonverbal behaviors.” I use it to make the ungainly phrase, “nonverbal behaviors,” less so.
[2] Bank of America, 2017, Friends Again Report.
[3] William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII.
[4] Louann Brizendine, MD, The Male Brain (New York: Harmony Books, 2010), p. xvi. Emphasis mine.
CHAPTER ONE: GAME-CHANGING CHARISMA
CHARISMA IN ONE WEEK
Charisma is the difference-making edge possessed by the world’s best salespeople, and it can be yours in one week. It will change the way the world perceives you, and when you change how you are perceived you enter a new reality.
I’ve had clients who were almost invisible to the world around them. Being overlooked was their “reality” until charisma ushered them into a new reality, one where they were magnetic and sought after. Their experience underscores this important fact: How we are perceived affects our ability to influence others and sell in this competitive world, and charisma transforms the way the world sees you in a powerfully favorable way.
Those who express the full power of charisma are rare. Most organizations have only a few top producers, and they stand out in many ways. They have an “it-factor.” It is difficult to put into words what that “factor” is, but everyone can see and feel how they have “it,” and others don’t. However, charisma should not be rare, for it is readily available to all; and if you are in sales you will want to acquire charisma because it will enable you to close sales like the following.
TAKING ON THE SALES-HELL CHALLENGE
I was sitting in my office in our corporate headquarters when the phone rang. It was a call from the COO of a large regional hospital located in the South. He asked to speak to someone in sales, and since all of my sales managers and distributor reps were located in the field, the call came to me.
The COO said, “I need someone from the corporate office to present your nurse call system to my nurses.”
I replied, “My Region Manager is the person I need to send your way.”
“No sir, no he isn’t,” the COO replied, “He’s been banned from the hospital for life.”
“For life?”
“Yes sir. Our nurses hate the guy. Suffice it to say, your company is not too popular with our nursing staff either.”
“I’m very sorry to hear that. And I apologize for my Region Manager making such a poor impression.”
“Thank you,” he replied, “I appreciate the apology. So, can you come on down and make a sales presentation to my nurses?”
“Yes. Of course I can. I’d be happy to.”
“Fine. That’s good. But I need to prepare you for what you are about to face. Our nurses not only hate your Region Manager, and your company because of him, they also love your competitor. So, this is going to be a tough sell.”
Now I was confused. I asked, “Okay, if the nurses hate us, and they love our competitor, then why am I being asked to present to them? Why aren’t you buying their system?”
With his folksy, Southern charm he said, “Friend, that’s a fair question. You are on our national contract and your competitor is not. Now we can easily buy off-contract whenever we want. However, your contract price is much better than your competitor’s list price. And since he’s holding aces, he’s not feeling the need to offer even a little discount.
“Let me ask you something,” he continued, “do you like paying list price?”
“No.”
“I’m the same way. So, I thought, ‘What the heck. What’s the harm in giving your company a shot?’ ”
“Okay,” I continued, still trying to connect all of the dots, “I can understand why you want me to present to them. If I close the sale I’ve saved you and your hospital a tidy sum. But I can’t understand why these nurses are willing to sit and listen to my presentation. Based on what you’ve told me, they hate us and love our competitor.”
He said, “You’ve got that right. They don’t want to see you or listen to a thing you say. But I’m the COO, and I’m making them sit and listen to you.”
After a pause he added, “Yes sir, like I said, this is going to be a tough sell.”
I thought, “And you have a gift for understatement.”
THE AMBUSH
They needed to make a quick decision. They would soon be breaking ground on a large, new emergency room expansion, so the COO rounded up the nurses for a presentation that same week. I scheduled a flight and was there a few days after his phone call.
As I was standing in one of their hospital’s training rooms with my PowerPoint presentation projected on the screen, the scowling nurses trudged in. Without saying a word they loudly proclaimed, “We’d rather be anywhere than here.”
The COO introduced me to the group and asked me to start my presentation. As soon as I opened my mouth, the bugle sounded and the attack was launched. The decision maker jumped up from her seat, got in my face, and launched into a tirade against my Region Manager, my company, and me for having such a derelict Region Manager. She went beyond questioning my integrity; she questioned my competence and sanity. But I listened quietly and respectfully, focusing 100% of my attention on her, nodding my head as I took notes, and waited for her to finish.
Inwardly I smiled as I noted the micro-expressions from her eyes expressing bewilderment. Micro-expressions are those telltale signs that only last an instant and reveal so much. She was puzzled because her ambush was not having its desired effect. I was too calm and confident, and she clearly wanted to rattle me.
As I stood there my facial expression was sober, thoughtful and unafraid. My body language projected how relaxed I was. My tone of voice was respectful, warm and yet authoritative.
At first, the audience thirsted for my blood, but as they saw me calmly stand and receive this merciless tongue-lashing their mood began to change. In sales you learn how to read a room, and this audience was spellbound by this spectacle. They did not know what to make of it.
When she finally ran out of breath and venom I looked directly into the eyes of the assembled nurses throughout the room and said, “All of these points are very important, and I will address each one of them during the course of my presentation. Now let’s get started.”
I was in control of the situation because of the charisma exercises I practiced prior to this call, ones that I will teach you. I had taken her best shot and had not flinched. Things were not going according to the decision maker’s plan; they were following mine.
A REVOLUTIONARY APPROACH
When charisma is added to selling it enables you to make revolutionary changes to your sales approach. You can do what some consider unthinkable and, in this situation, impossible. Midway through the presentation I began talking about their beloved competitor’s product and how it was inferior to mine.
Talking about the competitor! This was something I was always taught not to do during my entire sales career. It may be a near-universal sales taboo in America and overseas. When I trained a European salesforce how to use my differentiation techniques one salesperson stood up before the entire class and said, “This might work in America, but it won’t work here.”
My ideas were too much of a cultural departure for them, and it would take more than one pass to persuade them. But by the end of the course, one of the more charismatic salespeople in attendance decided he would see if differentiation worked.
He later told me, “I was told I had thirty minutes to present to a group of doctors, and that is a lot of time, because they are very busy. But once I started differentiating they became engaged and the presentation lasted two hours.” Busy doctors guard their time and receiving two hours from them is not the norm.
His success led other salespeople from Europe to adopt it as well. And guess what? Differentiation worked for them also. But how could it possibly work in this Southern shark tank where I was the chum? After all, even when the customer respects you and your company, you are not supposed to talk about your competitors. Since they disliked me, wouldn’t they interrupt me and tell me to stop “bashing” the competition?
Charisma can captivate and enchant. It is almost hypnotic in its power. Consequently, when I was differentiating there were no interruptions from this openly hostile audience, except for the occasional emotional outburst that showed I was turning the tide.
One bearded, burly nurse, who started the presentation glowering at me, blurted out, “The competition’s system doesn’t have that? Why are we even considering them?”
Later on I heard another say, “We’ve got to have this system.”
These expressions were like emotional eruptions from their subconscious mind. They were automatic, reflex actions that were hot and primal, not cool and rational.
At the end of the hour virtually every person in the room was on my side. Less than a week later we had the purchase order for a system that cost around $250,000 installed. The competitor who was holding aces lost all of his chips.
Before going further let me state that I may not be one of the world’s best salespeople, but I have sold with charisma, I’ve witnessed others sell with it, and I’ve trained others to sell with it. This perspective enables me to say with confidence, “Charisma is a game-changer. The same words I’ve used to close sales have utterly failed others who sold without charisma.”
IMPLICATIONS
When you think about this situation, and my success within it, it challenges a lot of the conventional wisdom surrounding sales. Let’s consider some of the generally accepted sales approaches that I was unable to use even if I wanted to.
Consultative sales: I could not ask these nurses questions, because they would not receive my calls, much less return them. Thus, I could not consult with them to develop a customized proposal. I was flying blind. So, this wiped out “consultative selling” as being the reason why I got their business.
Relationship selling: Well, let’s just say my relationship with this group of nurses was strong, but not in a favorable way. So, having a positive relationship, or developing one, was not the basis of my success.
Integrity selling: Ha! I was distrusted. They questioned my integrity because I had such a disreputable Region Manager. This eliminates the possibility of “integrity selling.” However, I must emphasize that I was scrupulously honest with them. My sales system depends on such honesty.
Solution selling: If I used “solution selling” in its typical form, then I would have failed. Typically you don’t talk about the competitor in this approach. Had I merely presented my solution, they would have bought the competitive product. This is because they believed the competitive system could do the same things our product could. I had to speak about the competition to convince them that they were mistaken.
Finally, I never tried to “close the sale,” or ask for the order, and I didn’t need to. Their buying decision was made before I left the room, only they didn’t know it yet. It would take time before their buying decision—which was subconsciously made—entered their conscious minds. (You’ll see how that works in Chapter 3, “The Psychology of Charisma.”)
If charisma is so powerful, and so easily acquired, then why doesn’t everyone obtain it? The following story answers that question.
THE UNKNOWN ACQUISITION OF CHARISMA
Meet Bob. Bob began developing his charismatic personality at an early age. As a child he observed the way others responded to his smile, his focused attention, and so on. Then, over the course of his life, he adopted these perception-shaping, nonverbal behaviors and developed a charismatic “presence.” It made him magnetic and attractive to friends and strangers alike. That most powerful form of communication—nonverbal behavior—was the main source of his charisma, just as it is with everyone else.
This “charismatic face” that Bob showed to the world became an automatic, subconscious expression. It required no conscious thought because it was a part of his nature.
Like the rest of us, Bob rarely thought of his nonverbal behavior or the impact it had on others. He knew he was confident, but was unaware that his confidence was communicated to others. Nor did he realize how the way he spoke with absolute certainty made everyone believe every word he was saying.
Another powerful nonverbal expression was his smile. He knew he had a nice smile, because people occasionally commented on it, but he never knew just how disarming it was to family, friends, and ultimately to customers.
After graduating from college, Bob entered the sales profession and during major sales presentations his charisma was on full display. He radiated a confidence that his customers felt. He projected a sense of authority and was utterly believable. His warmth put them at ease, and they were drawn to his sunny, always positive disposition. Even those customers who distrusted salespeople found themselves captivated by Bob.
As a result, his sales numbers far exceeded everyone else’s in the company. Then, when a sales management position opened up, Bob was immediately promoted and an all-too-common scenario played out.
His new boss told him, “Bob, go clone yourself.” And Bob tried to do this, but failed. It was an impossible task, because Bob did not know what it was that made him such a great salesperson.
UNWITTINGLY CHARISMATIC
While selling, Bob could not leave his body and look at himself to see his nonverbal behaviors in action. And even if he could see himself selling, perhaps on a videotape, he could not see the impact his nonverbals were having inside his customer’s hearts and minds.[1]
Let’s say Bob was self-aware enough to realize how charisma fueled his sales success, and he was knowledgeable enough to know that his nonverbals generated charisma. Even if he possessed this degree of understanding, how could he teach others to be charismatic?
After all, nonverbal behavior is, for the most part, a subconscious expression of how we feel. When we feel happy or sad we automatically look happy or sad. We don’t have to think about it.
So how do you teach someone to control something that is subconscious? And how do you get someone to adopt these subconscious behaviors that you acquired over the course of your entire life?
Bob failed as a sales manager. The powerful sales approach that he used as a salesperson, the one based on his personal charisma, was used unwittingly. It’s one of the main reasons why virtually every top salesperson, who is promoted into sales management, never raises the performance of any of their salespeople to their own level. They can’t, because even if they knew what it was that made them so exceptional, they wouldn’t know how to coach others in how to develop subconscious, nonverbal charisma.
Don’t worry. It sounds daunting, but it is not. If my clients could acquire charisma in one week, then it cannot be that difficult. Please don't get my assessment of my clients wrong. They were and are great people, but they were going through one of the most difficult times of their life. They had no charisma, and seemingly little hope of acquiring it, but they did in one week.
The power of nonverbal behavior will be made clear in the next chapter, but for now I will simply assert the first of several charisma axioms:
Charisma Axiom # 1: Nonverbal behavior is the primary cause of charisma.
STRATEGY
When I joined Rauland-Borg, the company I worked for in the sales-hell challenge, I was charged with leading a group of Region Managers who covered the U.S. market and were supporting the efforts of our distributor sales force. My strategy was, and is, based on three words: Simplify, focus and achieve.
Simplify: My first task was to learn about all of the opportunities my sales organization faced, and then simplify this mass of data into a solution that focused on the single most important driver of sales growth.
Focus: By focusing all of my energy on one thing, the most important thing, I had far better odds of succeeding than if I had tried to focus on three or four things.
Achieve: Once I found this driver of growth I focused virtually all of my attention and energy on it until we achieved dramatic sales growth.
FINDING THE MOST IMPORTANT DRIVER OF GROWTH
To discover this driver of growth I asked virtually everyone, “What is it?” and got a variety of answers. As it turned out, no one knew. But after two months of research I discovered it: Sales training.
Here is why it was more important than anything else. We were selling through distributor sales representatives of varying quality. Where we had good distributor sales reps we did well. Where we had bad distributor sales reps we did poorly. The quality of my Region Managers was not the primary issue. My best Region Managers were not very successful when a bad distributor sales rep was involved in the sale.
Part of our problem was this: Our distributor reps, many from small markets with small talent pools, were competing against polished, direct sales reps from multi-billion dollar competitors who were known throughout the world: GE, Tyco, and Hill-Rom.
This name recognition was a huge advantage for them, because Rauland was virtually unknown.
Imagine this: Early in my tenure with Rauland I once presented to a large Chicago-based hospital system. It was opening a new children’s hospital that was located within thirty miles of our corporate headquarters. As I was presenting the key decision maker asked, “If you are about the same size as Hill-Rom and GE in the nurse call market, then why have we never heard of you?”
Even in our hometown we were unknown.
Another significant obstacle our distributor reps faced was this: The majority had never received a day of sales training before. To help our distributor reps compete I developed a weeklong sales training course focusing on the verbal elements of charisma: Differentiation, stories, asking effective questions, etc. Verbal charisma is very powerful and the results far exceeded my expectations. By the time I left Rauland we were market dominant, possessing more than 50% of the nurse call market.
EFFECTIVE BUT LACKING IN NONVERBAL CHARISMA
As powerful as verbal charisma is, nonverbal charisma is even more powerful, and my program did not include training in how to become nonverbally charismatic. This sometimes made techniques, like differentiation, work against my sales trainees. For example, one of my trainees tried to differentiate in a far less difficult situation than the sales-hell challenge, and it blew up in her face. A nurse accused her of bashing the competition and told her she needed to stop doing this right now.
A few days after she scolded my trainee, I then presented to this same nurse and talked about the competition repeatedly without any objections. Nonverbal charisma—the missing ingredient—made what I said satisfying, and its absence made what the trainee said unpleasant. The words were virtually identical (I’d taught her what to say!), but the end results were as different as a purchase order and a rejection notice. Not only did the scolding nurse listen peacefully to my differentiation message, her hospital gave us a PO. (We will revisit this sales situation in greater detail.)
I failed to include nonverbal charisma in my sales training program because, like Bob in the above story, I was “unwittingly” charismatic. The next chapter will explain why charisma is so hidden from our sight.
Now, before closing this chapter, I will share the organizing principle of my original sales training course. It is still the organizing principle and it helps explain the selling power of charisma.
FOR EVERY CAUSE THERE IS AN EFFECT,
FOR EVERY EFFECT THERE IS A CAUSE
As I developed my sales training course I was forced to think deeply about fundamental questions that I’d never considered. Perhaps the most crucial question was, “What causes a customer’s buying decision?”
Until we know what causes the buying-decision-effect how can we intentionally cause it? This makes our sales success accidental instead of intentional. We are like people throwing everything against a wall in the hope that something sticks. So, we end up trying an assortment of ideas, and are confused when these techniques work sometimes and other times fail.
To answer the question, “What causes the buying decision?” my thought process went down this path:
Buying decisions are made in the mind. Therefore, what are the primary psychological influences on our decision-making process?
I came up with two very large influences: Reason and emotion, or rationality and feelings. I then wondered whether the buying decision was more head or more heart. Which influence predominated?
After much study I concluded that emotions cause the buying decision, not reason. Some of my research from back then now follows.
Economists developed the Consumer Sentiment Index to predict buying behavior. It measures the consumer’s feelings about the economy and about their own situation. Are they optimistic (likely buyers) or pessimistic (probably not in a spending mood)? These emotions are predictive of buying behavior, and note how there is no Consumer Rationality Index.
The history of sales produced revealing statements like, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.” This notion took root during the days of IBM’s mainframe dominance. Mainframes were expensive investments for companies to make forty to sixty years ago, and people bought the costlier IBM mainframe because they knew it would work. If you spent tons of money to buy a mainframe that failed, then you would have committed a much-dreaded CLM (career-limiting move). IT Directors feared this outcome and this led to the saying, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.”
Think about it. The typically rational people in IT departments were making a buying decision based, in part, on the emotion of fear.
MONEY IS EMOTION QUANTIFIED
Finally, the emotional power of money affects every buying decision and the following illustrates how money’s emotional power increases as the dollar amount rises.
If you loan a good friend a dollar and they don’t pay it back, big deal. It is not enough money to get worked up over. But if you loan a good friend $500, and they fail to pay it back, then it can end the relationship.
"More than half of consumers have seen a friendship end over money owed.
...Nearly three-quarters say their financial breaking point is $500 or less."[2]
As the dollar amount increased so did the intensity of the emotional response to being stiffed. This is because money is emotion quantified. Or, another way of putting it: The more money, the more emotion.
The emotional nature of money has the following impact on sales. The more money involved in securing your product or service, the greater the influence emotion has over the buying decision. Again, “Nobody ever got fired for buying IBM.” It was a high-dollar buying decision and it was emotionally caused.
One of my favorite demonstrations of the emotional nature of high-dollar purchasing decisions was a video I would show sales teams that was designed to sell the Bugatti Veyron, a >$2,000,000 sports car. It showed the Veyron speeding across a remote stretch of highway to the tune of a pulsing sound track, and it failed to use one word. Words and statistics might convey a logical argument, but what logical argument supports spending that amount of money on a car? So, the pitch was purely emotional: The more money, the more emotion.
This money-emotion connection holds true when you look at the world of low-priced commodities. Emotion plays a much smaller role in these buying decisions. The objective logic of price rules the day. Which product is cheaper and of acceptable quality?
Yet, even here emotion influences the buying decision to a degree. A charismatic salesperson will have more success selling commodity products than one who lacks this attractive, emotion-generating power. People still prefer to buy from people they like, or are drawn toward.
EMPLOYING THE EMOTIONAL CAUSES
Until we tailor our sales approach to apply the emotional causes of the buying-decision-effect, we will fail to close sales consistently. That is what I taught salespeople to do in my training program, and it worked.
However, my solution was incomplete. It failed to give them nonverbal charisma, the emotional language of the subconscious mind that changes the way a person is perceived and impacts the power of the message they are delivering.
That may not sound important at first, but imagine if you had the power to generate feelings toward you like trust, likability, and confidence. It would make your customer want to do business with you, believe what you are saying, and this would affect how they perceive your product offering.
In my sales-hell scenario, my charisma imbued me with so much authority that no one challenged me, or anything I said, while I was calmly, surgically dissecting their beloved competitor’s product.
The bottom line: Charisma tilts the playing field in your favor.
The more we understand about charisma, the more we will want to wield its influence. In the next chapter we will look at the power plant of charisma—nonverbal behaviors—and continue to explore why this ability to charm and enchant is so powerful in sales.
CHAPTER TWO: THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
“ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE, AND ALL
THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS”[3]
Nonverbal behavior is our most powerful form of communication and when we sell we are communicating. Therefore, we are not selling as powerfully as we should until we master nonverbal communication.
To illustrate the power of nonverbals, let’s look at a profession that requires nonverbal mastery: Acting. When an actor plays in a sad scene, he must express this sadness nonverbally. If he cannot express his role’s emotions nonverbally, then he will soon be out of work.
Actors are masters of this most powerful form of communication, and this explains why so many people are drawn to them. They have that mysterious “it” factor. Their nonverbal mastery makes them so charismatic that people become star-struck in their presence. It doesn’t matter that they are, in some instances, not all that good looking, stupid, narcissistic, unethical and as boring as an oatmeal diet; people will still follow them. They are living proof that charisma can make the most unpromising people magnetic and enchanting.
This connection between nonverbal behavior and charisma—which will be strengthened in the following pages—produces our next axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 2: Charisma is acquired by those who master their nonverbal voice.
Imagine having the charismatic impact of a movie star on your customers. Start mastering your nonverbal voice and you are on your way.
THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
One of the purposes of nonverbal behaviors is this: They reinforce and strengthen what our words are trying to communicate. We see this in the following encounter.
Imagine a life coach holding his client’s gaze, and saying with an authoritative tone that rings with conviction: “I believe in you! You can do this! You’ve done it before!”
The client would likely respond, “He’s right. I have done it before. I can do it!”
This life coach’s words and his nonverbal behaviors communicate the same message of encouragement. He is speaking with an authentic, influential voice, and it has the power to give confidence to a person struggling with self-doubt.
However, when our words say one thing and our nonverbals say another, we are speaking with an inauthentic voice. This can make our words communicate the opposite of what we intend.
For example, consider a different life coach who says with a flat, lifeless tone, a blank facial expression and no eye contact, “I believe in you. You can do this. You’ve done it before.”
His client would probably think, “I don’t believe a word he is saying, because he doesn’t seem to believe it. Wow! Nobody believes in me. Not even my life coach. I’m an even bigger loser than I thought.”
One coach inspired and encouraged his client, while the other coach increased his client’s self-doubt. Both coaches used the exact same words, but they had the opposite effect. The difference maker in their ability to persuade, influence, and sell—if you will—was their nonverbal charisma.
We have just dipped our toe in the waters of nonverbal behavior and already we are seeing how they can influence others. They give us the power to charm, enchant and persuade, and this leads to our third axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 3: Charismatic people have an authentic voice. Their words and nonverbal behaviors say the same thing.
Imagine the impact of an authentic or an inauthentic voice during a sales presentation. If your voice doesn’t ring with conviction, and your face doesn’t radiate confidence, but your competitor’s nonverbal behaviors do, then who will the customer believe and buy from? They likely will buy from the person they trust, like and believe in, and that person is the one who presented a solution to them with an authentic, charismatic voice.
WORDS OR NONVERBALS: WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?
When our nonverbals and our words communicate different messages, which message is believed? According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian, our words account for 7% of personal communication, while our tone of voice accounts for 38%, and our body language (which includes facial expression) accounts for 55%.
These percentages were applied to communications involving emotion and attitude, and “selling” is a type of communication that certainly involves emotion. That is because it involves money—emotion quantified—so these stats, if accurate, would apply. Again, if these stats are real, then nonverbals account for 93% of the message being heard. So, when our words say one thing and our nonverbals say another, customers tend to believe the nonverbal message.
Even if Dr. Merhabian got the percentages wrong, the gist of his message is backed up by our own experience. Have you ever been in the presence of a depressed person? A person who feels depressed will look depressed. And if he tells you, “I feel okay,” do you believe him? No. His words are discounted. You believe what his nonverbals are communicating and surmise, “Obviously he is trying to mask feelings he doesn’t want to discuss.” And this leads to our fourth axiom:
Charisma Axiom # 4: When our words say one thing, but our nonverbal behaviors say another, people tend to believe our nonverbal voice.
To acquire charisma we must gain control of our nonverbal voice because, as the above percentages show, it is our most powerful way of communicating to our customers.
A WORKING DEFINITION
Accurately defining nonverbal behavior was a critical step in my development of a system to control it. My working definition was:
Nonverbal behaviors are, for the most part, automatic, subconscious expressions of our physical, emotional and mental state (PEM state).
Let’s briefly analyze this definition to see if it holds up to scrutiny.
Is nonverbal behavior a subconscious expression of our physical state?
Yes. If you are bone-tired, then your listless body language and weary tone of voice will automatically communicate your exhaustion. You will not have to think, “Since I’m running on fumes I need to express my exhaustion nonverbally.” No conscious thought is required. We automatically express our physical state—exhaustion, vitality, etc.—nonverbally.
Nonverbal behavior is also a subconscious expression of our emotional state as is evidenced by the example of the depressed person, and the same holds true for the happy person. If someone feels happy it shows.
Finally, nonverbal behavior automatically expresses our mental state: If your mental state is characterized by confusion and an inability to focus, then you will look confused and scatterbrained. No one wants to look this way. So, when a confused person tries to hide their confusion by saying, “Of course I understand,” they are often asked, “Are you sure you got that? Do you want me to go over it again?” Their confusion is written all over their face, and this expression required no conscious thought on their part. It occurred subconsciously and automatically.
CONSCIOUS CONTROL OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
In my working definition I wrote, “Nonverbal behaviors are, for the most part, automatic, subconscious expressions….” I added the phrase, “for the most part,” because it is possible to control nonverbal behavior consciously, and even change it over time.
The U.S. Army proves this every year. A soldier slouches at boot camp and a drill instructor yells in his face, “Stand up straight!” The slouching soldier springs to a position of attention. It is a conscious response. And if reinforced often enough, this erect posture enters the soldier’s subconscious mind in the form of a new habit.
This ability to reprogram the subconscious mind and produce a desired type of nonverbal behavior is important. Part Two of this book will show you how to reprogram it faster than what takes place at a boot camp, and without a barking drill sergeant.
THE LIMITATIONS OF CONSCIOUS CONTROL
We can consciously control nonverbal behavior, but most people cannot do so over extended periods of time. This is due to the conscious mind’s limited bandwidth.
To illustrate this difficulty, let’s say you are giving a sales presentation and someone interrupts you to ask a question. You now have to listen to what he is asking, decode his message, determine if there is a meta-communication—e.g., does his question reveal a hidden agenda—formulate a clear, well-worded reply, deliver the response, and make sure your tone of voice is confident, that you are standing tall yet looking relaxed, and your facial expression is warm and approachable, yet authoritative. That is more cognitive load than the conscious mind can bear. Then, absent conscious control, our nonverbal behaviors revert to being automatic, subconscious expressions of our PEM state.
Perhaps the most useful thing my definition of nonverbal behavior accomplished was to help me see how to control them. Since they are a subconscious expression of our PEM state, then one of the most effective ways to control them is through controlling our PEM state. Again, Part Two will cover this subject.
BEHIND THE POWER OF NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR
What is it that makes nonverbal behavior powerful enough to produce charisma and influence buying decisions?
Part of its power comes from our mirror neuron system (MNS). The MNS is a fairly recent discovery dating from the 1980s and 1990s. It is:
"The “I feel what you feel” emotional empathy system.
Gets in sync with others’ emotions by reading facial expressions and interpreting tone of voice and other nonverbal emotional cues."[4]
Think about that for a moment: Our brains are wired to feel what others feel, and this feeling is based on their nonverbal communication. This means we have the ability to communicate our emotional state to another person during face-to-face talk. If we feel great, then our nonverbal behaviors will express this, and those with whom we interact will feel great too, because they feel what we feel.
You have probably felt the joy of a person who has just heard great news. Their joy makes you smile. He communicated his ecstasy and delight to your emotional empathy system through his nonverbal expressions, and it all took place automatically and subconsciously. You did not consciously think, “This person is overjoyed. I need to feel over-the moon to express solidarity with him.”
Whatever the emotion, we subconsciously interpret, and automatically respond, to someone’s nonverbal behaviors. Our brains are wired to do this, and the charismatic potential of this is obvious. For if you optimize your PEM state, and become a fountain of positive energy, then you will be magnetic. People are attracted to the glow of another’s positive emotions, and want to be around those people who express them.
You might be thinking, “That sounds exhausting! How could I maintain that act?” Rest assured that the charisma produced by these exercises is effortless, automatic and, when engaging in face-to-face talk, it requires no acting or conscious exertion. If it did, then it would not work.
THE MYSTERY OF CHARISMA
This explains why charisma is clothed in mystery: A charismatic person speaks and communicates his charisma through subconsciously generated nonverbal behaviors. Meanwhile, the listening person’s subconscious mind responds to these nonverbals by automatically feeling the feeling they communicate.
What we have here is the subconscious mind of one person communicating to the subconscious mind of another. No wonder charisma is mysterious!
This also explains the “unwitting” use of charisma by the world’s top salespeople. It is difficult to become aware of, much less understand, something that operates subconsciously for both the salesperson and the customer. Not to mention the fact that most charismatic salespeople developed these subconscious expressions of confidence and warmth, authority and kindness, over the course of their lives. They are almost certainly aware of the impact they personally have on other people, but are probably unaware that this power to influence others is largely due to their nonverbal behavior.
SALES IMPLICATIONS
My original sales training course focused on the emotional aspects of verbal behavior, the words we speak during a presentation, and it was able to drive amazing sales results.
In retrospect, this is somewhat surprising, because the buying decision is emotionally made and the spoken word is the preferred communication vehicle of the rational, conscious mind. This connection of words and rationality is captured by the Greek word “logos.” It is a word that is typically translated as either “word” or “reason.” “Logos” is the root word of logic. And as we will see in the next chapter, the more emotional, subconscious mind does not communicate to us through the medium of words. It is why the commercial for the Bugatti Veyron was wordless. The last thing the makers of this car wanted was to engage the consumer’s rational mind.
Also in the next chapter, we will see how the consciously made buying decision is emotionally driven by the subconscious mind. If this is true, then we need to learn the subconscious, emotional language of nonverbal behavior, because it is even more powerful than the words we say.
This is what Dr. Mehrabian’s research strongly suggested. It poses the question: Do we want to speak with 7% of our voice, or 100% of it?
The assertion that a conscious buying decision is caused by a subconscious process might sound ridiculous. But hopefully it will make sense after we explore the psychology of charisma and decision-making in the next chapter.
[1] Since the word “nonverbals” does not exist, according to the dictionaries I’ve checked, allow me to define it and tell you why I use it. “Nonverbals” is simply shorthand for the cumbersome phrase “nonverbal behaviors.” I use it to make the ungainly phrase, “nonverbal behaviors,” less so.
[2] Bank of America, 2017, Friends Again Report.
[3] William Shakespeare, As You Like It, Act II, Scene VII.
[4] Louann Brizendine, MD, The Male Brain (New York: Harmony Books, 2010), p. xvi. Emphasis mine.